Like a cat danced upon your keyboard to justin bieber

CONFESSION: today when I saw the name of the erupting volcano in Iceland, i thought it was just someone angrily pawing at the keyboard.

Eyjafjallajokull?? really?

I bet this was a prank by Bjork to see how illiterate Americans are. "Let's make up a fake volcano even though we don't even have volcanoes, and then send them a bunch of letters and see if they'll buy it!" Or maybe it's part of Sigur Ros' fake language, Hopelandic. My friend Kyle did a bold test of trying to actually PRONOUNCE IT ALOUD and has reported back that he ended up just yelling loud noises.

minor heartburn, major victory

last night's dinner at ze cinema: raisinets.

arrived home and my body told me it was time for dessert. Cookies with chocolate icing!

woke up RAVENOUS. had cereal (my vegetable for the day).... proceeded to beg Jenn to drive me to In-N-Out for lunch.

Got back to work after my double-double and fries. Realized i was still hungry, so I polished off a package of Red Vines...and a package of beef jerky. and now some fruit snacks.

it has suddenly occurred to me that, when I was a child, I would sometimes dream

"when I go to college/don't have to listen to my parents,

I'm going to eat nothing but cake batter!"

and OH! how i longed for that day.

flash forward to 2010. while some days I wonder what it is I'm doing/should be doing with my life.... today is NOT THAT DAY! I conclude this sunny thursday with some renewed hope that I have become exactly what I always dreamed of being.

I HAVE ACHIEVED THE PINNACLE OF PERSONAL SUCCESS:

I EAT LIKE AN 8 YEAR OLD ORPHAN!

When Morganne invited us to visit her family in Santa Barbara last summer, we jumped at the chance. Jumped kind of ravenously, actually, since we have a thing for road trips: fresh air, dancing in the car, getting to the beach, and...fast food galore.

So we headed southbound on The One, in search of sunshine and dollar menus.

In-N-Out: duh.

STOP THE CAR, was that a Wendy's/TacoBell in one building? DO IT.

(Someone pass the Pepto.)

1 playlist later, from the backseat came pleas for 5 dolla footlongs.

Well hello there, Jack-In-The-Box! Milkshakes and tots? Don't mind if we do!

Needless to say, Santa Barbara is paradise.

(and for way more legitimate reasons than our fast food addiction.)

That said, in Morganne's old room, she had this gorgeous black and white ad. Jennifer Aniston, on a dock with a paper boat. Perhaps wondering how John Mayer can be so alluring and yet so, so sketch.

It has a very east coast feel to me, and maybe that's it's draw. Not sure, really. I never really loved Aniston until I saw this particular campaign. But no matter how many middling movies she may put out there, she's still America's sweetheart. And c'mon people, she's still chillin' on a dock. Not even John Mayer himself can resist that.

Flash forward to last week, and I'm needing a little inspiration one morning. I may have been creepily Google Image searching Miss Aniston like woah. But anyway, I channeled the dock ad for an outfit. Couldn't even wait for Morganne to see when I got to work.

And what do you know, she was out SICK.

LAME.

So naturally, I enlisted Emily, and we headed outside at sunset to take a souvenir shot for Morgsy as she lay on her deathbed.

But let me tell you, Miss Aniston did not make that effing boat. People, I tried making an origami boat. I've watched NUMEROUS youtube videos. I fought the good fight, I really did. And while the video instructors ended up with fully-functioning kayaks, I somehow ended up with piles of confetti and nasty paper cuts.

Scrapping that idea, I resorted to mailing supplies and a crapload of staples.

Thanks, Em!:

Have a great long weekend!

With Love From,

your sketchy, vain, celebrity-impersonating friend.

On the road again. and again. and again.

last week blew.

this week is better.

i am confused about most everything.

i look forward to my next meal pretty much all day.

i haven't seen any stars in the sky since tennessee.

i went to see Al Gore speak today, mostly because I wanted to see if he was still really fat.

he's not that fat.

when does meg arrive for thanksgiving?

this is my update, more or less.

Home for the Holidays

Well not so much the holidays. But I am home. Nursing a bad sprained ankle and being loved on by Maryland. Some seriously solid quotes last night, my favorite minute-long snippet being:

Dad: Charleigh, go put on something nice. We're going to Texas Roadhouse!

[Charleigh, a picky eater and vegetarian, stomps off.]

Dad: Kaili, do you want a drink for the road?

Kaili: No, I'm good.

Dad: You sure?

Mom: Andy, stop, she's fine... You don't earn the right to drink and drive until you're married with four kids.

rawrrrrrrrrr

Things I love this week:

-Offering strangers gum. Great way to win friends and influence people at the end of an early morning flight

-Christina Hendricks' Mad Men sass. (below is a shot from her recent Esquire shoot...) hey girl HEY!

-San Francisco's Indian Summer (are we still allowed to say "indian summer"? I'm pretty sure our grandchildren will cringe and apologize to their friends when we say this in a couple decades. "please don't mind my grandma, she doesn't know better than to be old-fashioned and offensive")

-a month off! i need a plan... my Octobercation starts in only 1 week!

Warning: Gypsy On The Loose

I am a woman now.

You see, only Women have lipstick. And after hunting high and low and looking a lot like a tranny ho, I found My Lipstick.

I am 23 years old, and my generation doesn't really use lipstick. But something in me was crying out that I just HAD TO HAVE SOME.

Since I have, well, bold eyebrows, it can sort of scare small children when i wear other distinct colors on my face. But, thanks to my dear friend, Coco Chanel, I have discovered My Lipstick. And while I can't actually confidently wear it yet, it is empowering me to be bold and not care so much what other people think. And also, it helps to keep other people from drinking out of my In N Out milkshakes because the straw is so clearly marked as MINE.

The name of this little tube of pinkred delight is Gypsy Scarlet. I'm going to fill my weekend with lots of gypsy-like activities, including but not limited to wandering, dancing around tents and campfires, and ofcourse, pickpocketing.

I'll report back after this test run.